This is Kerri Sackville. You are late to the party if you’ve not heard of her, and I pity you. But that’s okay – you can make up for it by reading her new part-memoir, part-guide to family life; When My Husband Does the Dishes, which will be released on Monday, May 2. And I pinkie promise – you will laugh out loud and possibly wee yourself if you use TENA Lady.
Kerri is witty, charming, honest, and best of all, fluent in sarcasm: the fairest and cleverest language of them all. Her writing has appeared in SMH, The Age, The Telegraph, and pretty much everything else, and she is a regular contributor to Mamamia. Kerri started freelancing after becoming a mum in 2001. She popped on to Twitter and her blog, Life and Other Crises, in 2009, following writer’s block after the death of her sister. She has written her heart out ever since, encouraged by her followers every step of the way (and she rightly has a ton of them). It’s also pretty clear that she’s a MILF.
Because I’m a fan of hard-hitting journalism, I asked Kerri the following questions after storming her home and shining a bright light in her face. Not really, but that was great for dramatic effect.
Please write your faux-RSVP profile here: Hassled mother-of-three who loves sleeping. Seeks Simon Baker lookalike who enjoys housework and performing foot massage with no expectation of reciprocity.
How did you decide that writing, as opposed to pop stardom, was for you? I haven’t. I am still very open to pop stardom. Why do you think I made The Meatball Song? I was hoping that P Diddy or Dr Dre would see it and turn me into a musical superstar. I’m still a bit perplexed as to why it hasn’t happened yet.
Please explain your very rational theory as to why white chocolate is not actually chocolate: White chocolate is CONFECTIONARY!!! It contains no cocoa solids, and it is the cocoa solids that give chocolate its amazing mood elevating powers (as well as its colour and TASTE). I assume you agree otherwise I may have to discontinue this interview.
What makes a man husband material? I’m not sure men ARE husband material. A good husband would help his wife choose her clothes, compliment her on her new hair colour, be capable of doing 16 things at once, and enjoy watching The Real Housewives Of NYC. Unfortunately, we heterosexual women just have to put up with what we get.
Broccoli or cauliflower, and why? Cauliflower, because it can be smothered in melted cheese and I love melted cheese. Broccoli just doesn’t work with melted cheese, and its texture is a little disgusting.
Are you like the rest of us and wish that Julie Andrews was your 2nd mother? Er... no. I actually wish that Chelsea Handler was my second mother, which is kind of awkward, because she’s several years younger than me.
Would you peck or French Simon Baker at your marriage ceremony? I would drag him into the nearest cupboard and have sex with him on the spot.
How do you feel about those who don’t like Nutella? I feel sorry for them, really. It must be tragic to go through life with such an insensitive palate.
Kochie or Karl? Ah.... now that’s a tough one. I’d choose Karl for a passionate affair – he’s cute, sexy, and a little bit bad, which is VERY appealing. But for a husband I’d take Kochie. Smart, funny, and he could handle our finances no problem.
Please provide tips for being a good wife: I’m sorry but according to my husband, I am not qualified to do so. I think, though, it has something to do with putting the other person’s needs before your own. I must try that out some time.
Which celebrity, aside from Angelina Jolie of course, do you share most similarities with? Nicole Kidman. But for a teensy tiny twist of fate (her beating me to the lead role in BMX Bandits in 1983) I would have her life. It was a Sliding Doors moment. By rights, I should be Tom Cruise’s ex-wife by now.
Why should we buy When My Husband Does the Dishes? You will laugh hysterically. If you have ever had a live-in partner or had kids you will totally relate. If you haven’t, your eyes will be popping out of your head. And either way, you will feel much better about your own challenges by laughing at mine. You can laugh hysterically by buying When My Husband Does the Dishes here. In fact, we require you to do so.
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